On the eve of Mr. Benjamin Antonio...

Dear Baby Benjamin,
     We have been waiting for you! Loving you since we first new of your sweet soul and praying for you as you have developed and grown. And now on the eve of your birthday, after I've put your beautiful brother (which by the way today was his birthday) and sister to sleep and I listen to the very lullabies that we have listened to with you for months, I am in awe that I will soon be holding you in my arms!
     We thank The Lord for you and can't wait to get to know you and the special little person that God has made you  to be! I pray that I can, not only be the mother that you need, but also the mother that God desires for me to be for you! I pray that God will give me the wisdom and strength to  help you develop the gifts and talents he has given you!!
     We know that you will be a blessing to our family! Your big brother has so much to teach you and no doubt your big sister will keep you on your toes! We are so excited to welcome you to this side of heaven! Although it's not nearly as wonderful, The Lord blesses us each day and we are honored that he has chosen us to be your family!!
      See you soon sweet one!
      Love,
   Mommy

July 14, 2014

Six years later... and counting....

Saturday we celebrated Carlos Andres 6th birthday! I can't hardly believe that he is already six. We actually started the celebration a little early with some of his friends at school on Thursday. We kept it simple with his favorites, Music and Dancing. We had a little dance party and then he handed out his cupcakes. On Saturday we kept it simple again, visiting his favorite restaurant with our family.  He is so loved there! He had more music, with Mariachi's singing to him and a special dessert too. Then we came home and opened presents and had cake.

 Carlos Andres birthday is sweet, like his smile, but there are twinges of what I NOW know was coming,  two days later.

I always hold him tight and I am careful to look into his eyes everyday, but just like any other mom, I find myself doing that especially on his birthday...and in my heart I feel those parts that are still a little broken. I feel today coming, July 14th.

When Carlos was about two years old, we were in Nebraska, and I had commented to my mentor teacher from my first year teaching, that I was reflecting on this day and that I did not want to leave the house. She sent me a little note later that said she has friends who have children that are adopted that celebrate their child's "Gotcha Day" and that we could celebrate (I look at it more as acknowledging) his "Gotcha Back Day".  That little note changed how I look at July 14th...I leave the house now! ;>

The last three years I have tried to do something that would show my appreciation to the special people in our lives that we probably wouldn't know without having a  "Gotcha Back" day. His therapists and teachers!

There's something therapeutic about finding a way to show someone else appreciation on this day. It takes a little bit of the sting out it and it acknowledges that God planned, six years ago, to bring some very special people into our lives.  Carlos-Andres is surrounded by love! Yes, they are his therapists and his teachers, but it's easy to see that they are not just "doing their job"! I see how they look into his eyes, how they cheer him on to communicate, how they encourage him to walk, to stand,  chew, swallow. They pull out all the "stops"  and  they "call his bluff" when he's tired or being a typical, now, 6 year old,who needs to focus!

We had no idea how AMAZING Carlos-Andres would be doing six years later! We know that we are truly blessed that we were able to bring him home and we are THANKFUL!!! Things might not look like how we had hoped on July 12th, 2008, but our God is the same! FAITHFUL. Faithful to our prayers, faithful to help us meet Sweet Carlos' needs, faithful to allow us to see the INCREDIBLE wonder of his creation through Carlos Andres and Victoria.

I know, without a doubt, that I would not nearly appreciate the things that Victoria can do and say, without my experiences in the last six years! I know that I would not be the teacher that I am today, or the mother, or the wife that I am today without these experiences. I'm more compassionate, I'm more patient, I can listen to crying for hours :>, I'm more caring.

So while there are plenty of brutally honest moments when I wish and still sometimes beg (although not daily anymore) that things could be different for him or easier or just plain typical, I see where God has been Faithful.

And in the end I am thankful to acknowledge July 14th, our "Gotcha Back, Day!"

A Glorious Day

Today was a Glorious day and I still can't keep the smile off my face! A little milestone called: Preschool graduation, happened today! I couldn't be more happy or proud!

I'm not sure this is something most mom's dream about. I think it's more just something that happens and everyone says; Whoa, where did the time go, our baby is growing up! But this day  I DID dream about. Yes, if you know me I tend to be a little on the dramatic side, ok and the sentimental side, but here's why I say that. 

Carlos Andres has virtually not known a day without therapy. I don't remember for sure, but he was about a week old when we got started. So, when he was just a few months old we'd already been doing this for a little while, but it didn't feel normal and I was still in a great deal of denial, but mostly I had made my home in the "house of fear". I still visit there almost daily, but it's not HOME.

 I specifically remember a Physical Therapy session in Nebraska with our dear Ms. Michelle. I was overtired and had spent the morning worrying, something I'm very good at, when I finally just said "I'm so worried!" Michelle asked me why and the tears began to flow. I told her I was worried he might not ever go to school, and went on with the list. You name it I was worried about it and I couldn't hold it in any longer as I watched him work so hard. Poor Ms. Michelle, just listened and then she said what I've kept in my heart  and what I've sought out for my sweet boy. 

"Is he going to go to school?" She said, Yes! He might be in a special class but he will go to school. Will he kick a ball and play outside? Yes, she said. Will he be the soccer star, maybe not , but he will play!" 

It was after this conversation that I decided to stop surviving and start fighting! Fighting to help my boy reach these and all the other goals that ALL parents dream about for their children. I decided that it
didn't really matter how he got to these goals just that he got there. I promised myself to enjoy the journey, even if it looked different from my friends or from what I thought it would be.

So when he started preschool two years ago I was one proud mommy,because I knew this day and this post would be coming. Oh my how he has flourished!! And Oh My how he is loved at his school!!

Today the students in Carlos Andres' class came down the aisle to graduate. Some of them walked and some of them "drove", and all of them came with an adult, which I loved. I loved the symbolism of how how these staff members have been with them throughout their preschool years and now they were escorting them to a new beginning. I also loved that it showed the children such support!

I've planned a few graduations in my day, but this was, of course, the best, because it was for my sweet son. Which by the way, he did receive the Sweetest Boy award! ( and his best friend received the sweetest girl award. I thought that was very fitting!) it was also such an encouraging ceremony for the adults! We were reminded to live a limitless life and to encourage our children to do the same!

In the end our journey doesn't always look like what we thought it would, but we've been blessed with some very amazing people to learn from, and Carlos Andres is loved by so many more people. We also get the opportunity to encourage others and Carlos Andres is so inspiring...to us and to everyone he meets.

And so yes, Preschool graduation IS a dream come true!

 

 

 

 

 

 

I just came to say Hello oh oh oh!

So, I started a website a few years ago. I think Carlos Andres was two or three, but I was a little nervous  to have our story "out there". Since then I've written several posts...in my head. ;) I enjoy writing and have found so many other blogs to be encouraging and fun to read, so I've decided to share some of the things rattling around in my head....so here goes....something!

Our Story

Our Story...begins in a`small town where I, Shelly, was loving teaching 1st grade. Long story short, I met my prince charming and quickly followed him to Miami FL. We were married April 8th, 2006! 

A year later we were excited, proud parents-to- be! We watched my baby belly for hours, played with the latest gadgets, read book after book, and prayed we could be good parents.

Our "Little Man" Carlos-Andres, was born July 12, 2008, at 1:34 am in the Miami Maternity Center. As with most Maternity Centers we were sent home just a few hours later with our bundle of joy and so much incredible hope for the future.

A NIGHTMARE, A BLESSING, AND A BEGINNING

Just two days later we found ourselves in the ER of Joe Dimaggio Children's Hospital. Our son had stopped breathing while nursing and simply looked like he had fallen asleep. As I watched him "sleep" I became worried and asked my sister if he looked ok, she quickly said no and began CPR. Our nightmare had begun. Everything we had hoped for was being torn into pieces and our hearts trampled on...

The doctors told us what I had only heard in movies, "The next 36-48 hrs. would be critical." I remember watching her speak and thinking "my son might not ever read". Such a strange thought to have when a doctor is telling you that your son might not make it through the day and if he does, we don't know with what kind of complications. I remember my mom said "but he could just come out of it and be ok, right?" Dr. Duncan said she wanted to be honest and in her experience with this it wasn't likely, but she was "all for miracles." My heart beat quickly and my arms were tingly the only thing I could do was rock back and forth. What had happened to my world?!! 

We asked to see a chaplain and an older lady named Daisy came to see us. I was so hoping for her to give me some scripture or for her to tell me that everything was going to be okay, but she didn't. She prayed with us and kept saying, bless your heart. Yes, that's what I wanted, but I really wanted more! I wanted to see my Lord and have him heal my son miraculously!! And so we waited....

That night, after Carlos-Andres was "stabalized", my husband convinced me to go home to sleep. It was all so surreal, seeing the crib in our room without our baby broke my heart even more. I cried myself to sleep in my husbands arms.

The next day we returned to find him without the tube in his throat and I won't forget Dr. Duncan's words: "I'm sorry I told you all of that scary stuff yesterday, but the Lord blessed us in the night and he is doing well this morning!" 

Over the next few days we would realize just how scary of a rollercoaster ride the Lord had allowed us to be strapped into. We baptized our sweet boy in the hospital and cried so many tears I felt we could fill the ocean with our sorrow. We listened and tried to breathe as doctors told us how he was doing and what kind of things to think about and expect in the upcoming days. We wondered if we would leave the hospital with our little one...

We did leave the hospital,3 weeks later. We are now much more aware that our stay was short compared to what some families endure, and we began a new journey... our new beginning.

Our road with our son has had many ups and downs, but I am now able to tell his story with new insight...it goes like this...

Carlos-Andres ran back for an extra hug and kiss from Jesus and he was sent back to us with some very special gifts that we get to help uncover. We pray the lord will reveal himself through our son  in the gifts we find in Carlos-Andres!

Carlos Andres and daddy after coming home from our Hospital stay!

A little video of a few highlights from 2013. The hospital picture was for a surgery he had on his legs and feet in 2013. We were reunited with a very special Nurse who took care of him when he was admitted at 2 days old! God is sooo faithful!

Cheering for Team USA in the World Cup 2014